My son turned 13 this week and I was reflecting on what a great person he is. He is disciplined and hard-working. He is focused on his goals and has been very successful in school and sports. He is also thoughtful and empathetic to others. He is generous with his friends and family. Overall, he's an amazing person!
I don't feel like I can take credit for those things. Those are his achievements and I am so proud of him. But I do remember when he was born, feeling overwhelmed by the responsibility of being one of the dominant influences in his life. I wanted to do everything RIGHT. I didn't want to damage this perfect little baby by making any mistakes. I soon realized that this is not possible. There is no such thing as a perfect parent. Every parent and child learn by making mistakes together.
I had read so many books on parenting in those early days, hoping to get it right. But I found that some of the things I tried from the books didn't always work well. And some of the theories contradicted each other. I finally decided to put the books on the shelf and came up with my own theory. I decided the best thing I could do for my child was to be the best person I can be. I know that worked for my parents. They weren't perfect but I had observed them working hard to create a great life for our family. I admired my parents and how they were always improving themselves and becoming the best they could be in their careers. And I appreciated how much they did for me and my brother, sometimes sacrificing their own needs so we could have certain opportunities.
And it is pretty obvious that kids are always observing us. I sometimes hear my own words coming out of my children's mouths. Sometimes it's flattering and sometimes it's not. And kids aren't just watching their parents, they are watching all the adults in their lives. We went on a family vacation to Germany with my parents for my cousin's wedding five years ago. My, now 13 year old, son was 8 at the time and he made this observation. "Mommy, Grandpa and Uncle Vittorio are really smart men." I definitely agreed with him but wondered what made him come to that conclusion so I replied, "Yes, you're right, but what makes you say that." His innocent response made me smile. "They are smart because they treat people how they want to be treated." I understood exactly what he meant. Both my dad and uncle have a way of making people feel understood. Everyone wants that, especially children.
His observation made me think of Maya Angelou's great quote:
So when I think of the person that I want to be, I want to be a person that makes other people feel great about themselves. I want my children to think I am a "smart woman" because I treat people how they want to be treated. I want my children to reflect back on their upbringing and appreciate that I was always trying to learn and improve and be the best version of myself possible.
Whether you have children or not, the people in your life are learning through your example. My challenge to you today, is to think about who you want to be. What kind of qualities would you like to see reflected back to you by the people mirroring you? You deserve to see a beautiful image of yourself and you have the power to create it.
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