The Valentine's Cure

I don't know if this is true for other women, but I am often disappointed on Valentine's Day. I am a romantic, which has sometimes proved unfortunate for my husband and boyfriends from my past. I don't think anyone could meet my romantic expectations. So I have often felt sad, frustrated and sometimes even angry on Valentine's Day. Then I would be even more upset because I wanted to be feeling loved and cherished instead of the opposite.

After many years of "Bad Valentine's Days," I decided to take a new approach. I decided ahead of time what I really wanted to experience on Valentine's Day. On my list was, to feel connected to the people I love, feel appreciated and to have an evening with my husband to be together and just focus on each other.

When I looked at my calendar a few weeks before Valentine's Day, I realized that it might turn out to be another "stinker." I saw that Valentine's Day fell on a Tuesday. On top of that, my son had a hockey training session scheduled for late in the evening.

It actually turned out to be a good thing because instead of trying to force this monumental romantic experience to take place on a busy Tuesday night, I decided to create my own happiness on Valentine's Day.

The first thing on my list was that I wanted to feel connected to the people I love. So I planned some very simple gifts to give to my kids and husband. They were practical, so it wasn't an extravagant expense. But they were things that I knew each of them would love and appreciate. I gave some other little gifts and sent out messages to friends and family. I spent my day connecting with many people I love.

I also wanted to feel appreciated. I couldn't force anyone to appreciate me, so I chose to appreciate myself. I did a couple of things in the day for myself. I went for a run with some good friends, which is a favourite activity and feeds my soul. I also planned a reward for myself at the end of my busy day. That way I wouldn't place any expectations on anyone else to make my day complete. Ironically, I received lots of messages of appreciation from my family and friends. It was probably due to the fact that I had reached out to many of them and expressed my love for them without expecting anything in return.

And the third thing on my list was to have an evening with my husband to focus on each other. I already knew that wasn't going to work on Valentine's Day, so I suggested to my husband that we each take a look at our calendars and book 2 nights for a "Date Night." I will plan one of the date nights and he can plan the other. Even though it hasn't happened yet, I am having fun planning my date night.

For me, this Valentine's Day was a success because I managed my expectations. I am often disappointed on holidays  I build up in my mind the feeling I want to have and feel let down if the celebration doesn't match my expectation. This time I thought about what it was that I really wanted and what I could do to create it. And I also set realistic expectations for what could happen on one busy weekday, that just happened to be on Valentine's Day.

It was also a good illustration for me of how to achieve what I want, by first being conscious of what I want. You won't get what you want if you don't spend some time looking inward and deciding what it is that you want to feel or have or do?

If you want to try an experiment, take 10 or 15 minutes to write down in your journal or on a piece of paper, what it is that you want? You can answer that question generally or specifically. The clearer the picture you paint of what it is that you want to create, the more likely you are to see it in your life.

Contentment!

To me, this is the picture of contentment. Our family adopted a new kitten just before Christmas. We named him Snoopy. It is hard to believe how much joy this newest addition to the family has brought all of us. It's hardest to believe for me, who was the hold-out for getting a pet.

I didn't want to get a pet because I didn't desire one for myself. I felt too busy for a pet. With my kids reaching an age of independence, I was loving the freedom I had. All I could see was more work, mess, and responsibility for me.

But I did think a pet would be nice for my children. And my husband seemed excited at the prospect of a pet. Of course he agreed I would be the one who would be impacted most by the work involved in having a family pet. After spending some time with a friend's kittens and taking care of another friend's dog, I started to soften on the idea. I inquired with the Meow Foundation (who rescues and fosters cats and kittens) and the next thing I knew, we had Snoopy.

He is so loved by everyone in the family. We couldn't imagine our life without him now. But what surprises me most is my own reaction to having him in the family. I have learned so much from our adorable new kitten.

I didn't think about the contentment I would feel being around Snoopy. Seeing him sleeping on the sofa or having him curl up in my lap is like a tonic for anything that ails me. He forces me to slow down because I want to spend time just observing him. The feeling of joy I experience when he lays down on my chest and purrs like a quiet engine, is amazing to me. When he plays soccer with little bouncy balls, I could sit and laugh at him for hours. When he rolls over waiting for me to pet him, I admire how he just expects to be loved and adored. His self-esteem is well intact. He knows how loveable he is and has no problem receiving all the love and attention bestowed on him.

I admire Snoopy's contentment, playfulness and self esteem, but I think one of the greatest gifts I have received from him is 'being in the moment'. Animals appear to live in the moment in a way that most humans do not. We are often lost in the world of our thoughts. Our pets seem to be experiencing the moment all the time and I think they help us do the same. Just being in Snoopy's company is relaxing.

There are teachers all around us when we are open to learning. I couldn't have learned more about contentment and presence from a Masters Course on the subject, than I learned from my professor, Snoopy the Kitten.

Daring Dreamer- Annette McSween

I think every person has an amazing story to tell. Every one of us faces challenges in life and we work through them one way or another. But some people work through them with such strength and grace, that they inspire those around them. They dare to live their dreams in the face of adversity, when all the messages around them tell them they can't have what they most desire. Those are the "Daring Dreamers" of the world. Annette MacSween is one of those people.

I was fortunate enough to meet Annette through a community organization called, Ladies Time Out. Every Monday morning I would see Annette cheerfully greeting all the group members and making their coffee. I would also see Annette at the hockey rink with her youngest son, who was the same age as my son. I was shocked when I realized that her son, Aiden, was her youngest of her four children. She looked too young and too calm to have four children. How could she look so cool in the midst of a hectic schedule of having four children in multiple activities? She had to manage the kids' schedule largely on her own, since her  husband was often away due to the nature of his demanding job. But whenever I would see Annette, she was always cheerful and lovely. She made it look easy. I thought she had a charmed life.

Annette would tell you that she does have a charmed life. In fact, she told me, she feels like the heroine of a fairytale. I think that is true and the analogy doesn't stop there. Like all fairytale heroines,  Annette had to face a huge challenge to get to her "happily ever after."

I had the privilege of learning Annette's story after she attended the Dream Your Dreams Women's Retreat we held last October at the Rimrock Resort in Banff, Canada. I followed up with many of the participants with coaching sessions to help them move toward realizing their dreams. During our first coaching session, it became clear to me that Annette has a great outlook on life. She truly embodies the philosophy "Don't sweat the small stuff - and it's all small stuff." (Richard Carlson) She told me herself, that she doesn't worry about things. She knows things will work out. I was curious how she came to that way of thinking. That is when she shared her story with me. She graciously agreed to let me share her story in my blog because I think many people will benefit from hearing it. I know that I did!

Annette was 23 years old, working as an x-ray technologist at the hospital in Fort McMurray.  Everything was looking great for this fun-loving, energetic girl. She had a job she liked. She had just started dating a new boyfriend. She felt great about her life and the direction it was going. The world was her oyster. Then one day at work, as she was greeting a patient, she found it hard to speak to him. She went to grab his file and she found it difficult to move her right hand. She needed to use her other hand to hold the file. When she took the patient to the x-ray room, she could only gesture her instructions to him because for some reason, the words wouldn't come out.

She decided to call her boyfriend, Mike, and tell him to meet her for lunch. When she called, she simply said "Come now." He thought their conversation was unusual, but being keen on his new relationship, he quickly appeared to take her to the hospital cafeteria. He noticed that Annette was having a difficult time communicating with him. He knew something was wrong. "Let's just go to the emergency ward and have them check you out," he suggested. Annette agreed and it's a good thing she did.

Annette, Mike and Annette's family were soon shocked to discover that Annette, the picture of health at the youthful age of 23, had just had a stroke. It was hard for any of them to fathom. Even more difficult to understand was the doctors prognosis. They told Annette, "you won't be able to drive a car again, you will not be able to go back to work, and you won't be able to have children." While Annette loved her freedom and her job, her greatest aspiration since childhood was to be a mother. In one short sentence, the doctor was taking away her  dream. What would it mean for her job? For her and Mike? For her whole life?

Fortunately for Annette, she had an ace in her back pocket. Annette grew up in a home where there was a strong belief that "all things are possible through God." When she was a young girl, her mother gave her a book called Her Kathy. In the book, Kathy faced insurmountable obstacles, but with God's help, she overcame them all. When Annette was lying in that hospital bed hearing the most devastating news imaginable from her doctor, she remembered Kathy. Kathy didn't take no for an answer. Kathy believed she could overcome the impossible. Kathy knew what she needed to do and she knew God would help her. Annette decided to do the same thing. She adopted Kathy's faith and strength. With His support, along with support from her parents, friends, Mike and her own sheer determination, Annette made the doctor's prognosis wrong on every count.

How did she do it? She had a vision of her life in which she was driving and working and being a mother. She worked hard to regain her health. She did everything the doctors told her she needed to do, but she did more than that. She believed, with every fibre of her being, that she would live the life she envisioned for herself. And she trusted that it would happen. She knew her mother, her family, the people from her church and all the people who loved her were praying for her. She knew God was on her side and that gave her the conviction to believe the impossible was possible for her.

Within 3 months of her stroke, Annette was able to drive. She was back at work within the year. The following year, 1995, Annette and Mike were married. Their relationship was just in its infancy when they had to deal with such a dramatic challenge. Many relationships would have ended there. But Mike was there for Annette and it only strengthened their bond. It made it very clear that they were partners for life. When it came time to consider if they should take the risk of trying to have children, the answer was clear. Even though going through childbirth could trigger another stroke for Annette and even though another stroke could be fatal, they didn't waiver in their faith that they would be parents. On September 7, 1996, they welcomed their first child, Andrew, into the world. During childbirth, Annette was monitored, but everything went well. They didn't stop there. They now have 4 children, who are 20-13 years old (Andrew, Matthew, Marcella and Aiden).  All of them are healthy, wonderful and successful, in large part to their amazing mother. Not only did she drive again, Annette drove 4 children to hockey, volleyball, ringette, cheerleading, lacrosse, gymnastics, basketball, badminton and pony riding for years. She has probably logged more miles than professional truck drivers.

As a mother of 4 amazing children and wife to a strong and loyal husband, Annette is living the life of her dreams. She has created a beautiful home and life for her family. Plus she is so much fun to be around. She is always smiling and laughing. It is obvious when you spend time with her, that she truly loves her life.

I think Annette MacSween definitely fills the description of being a Daring Dreamer! I feel so inspired by Annette and her story and I hope you do too!

When I think of Annette overcoming what she did, I wonder, what is possible for me if I believe it will come true? What is possible for you? What would you do if you knew you could not fail? Why not be a "Daring Dreamer" and live the life of your dreams.

I'd love to hear your comments on Annette's amazing story and what you'd like to do if you had Annette's conviction to believe that the impossible is possible. Please post any thoughts you have below. Every dream comes true by first "believing" it will!

No One Can Make You Feel Bad If You Don't Let Them!

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In this age of Social Media, people have never been so publicly exposed and vulnerable. When we post something on Facebook or Instagram, we are waiting for it to be "liked" or to read people's comments. We put something out there to our Friends and Followers and their responses, or lack of responses, advise us how to feel about ourselves. We can choose not to engage in Social Media, but then we are missing out on opportunities to connect with people. That is okay for some people. But for many people, it is one of their main ways for connecting with friends or promoting their business. 

When you do something with Social Media, you open yourself up to other people's opinions. If you are a public figure with a public platform, anyone can comment on your posts and you are even more vulnerable to criticism.

A friend of mine, who has a public platform, was recently attacked about a picture she posted. It was a lovely picture of her son winning a sporting trophy. Someone made cruel comments about her and her family. My initial reaction was to want to respond to the nasty person who could say such horrible things. As I thought about the situation over the course of the day, I realized, that is exactly what the nasty commenter wanted. They wanted attention and to feel power over the person they attacked. I remembered a Chinese Proverb I once heard that goes, "If you get angry, they win."

When people say negative things about you, it is never about you. Even if the comments have an element of truth to them, (which makes them even more hurtful), the comment still has nothing to do with you. A person who says something to hurt another, is trying to elevate themselves by putting someone else down. If they truly felt good about themselves, they wouldn't be focussed on criticizing others. Any negative feature they point out, is really a reflection of their own insecurity about themselves. The negativity they see, is a mirror, reflecting what is within themselves.

So when I hear someone being mean, or negative, or critical, I know they don't feel good about themselves. If they are bragging or putting someone down, I know they need to elevate themselves because they feel "less than..."

I think the best way to defeat the bullies and naysayers, is to know your own truth. Know who you are and believe in your own power and beauty. As Eleanor Roosevelt wisely stated, "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent." If you don't react internally to someone's attack on you, they can't get to you. Your personal truth is an armour against their lies. They are trying to deflect their own pain onto you. But they can't do it if you don't accept it.

I'm not saying that you can always ignore someone's attacks. There are times you need to take action for your own safety or the safety of others. But if you can get to a point where you recognize that the attacks have nothing to do with you and you have a strong conviction of your own self-worth, anything your attackers say will be deflected off you. You will no longer see the bully as a powerful tormentor, but as a sad, weak person trying to project their pain onto you.

So if someone tries to make you feel bad about yourself in any way, invest your energy in taking care of yourself and being the highest version of yourself. Don't waste your energy getting angry and settling the score. Don't let them manipulate you to doubt yourself. See their pain and weakness and see your own beauty and strength. You don't have to prove it to them or anyone other than yourself. If you can do that, you are free and they are trapped in their own prison of pain.

My hope for all the bullies of the world, is that one day they will become enlightened and will feel the pain of the hurt they have inflicted on others. I hope they wake up to the purpose of life, which is to create beauty and share love. If they do that, they will have rich and happy lives and won't need to bring other people down. If they don't, they will be trapped in their own unhappiness.

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How To Get Where You Want To Go!

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My children play hockey and over the years, they have had some amazing coaches. I feel so grateful to all these coaches because each coach has inspired them, made them believe in themselves and pushed them to be the best player they can be. Some of their coaches even inspired them to be the best person they can be. We all deserve to have a coach to help us become the best players at the game of life.

Years ago, I applied for a position that I thought would be my dream job. The posting was for a Corporate Sales Trainer role. I had my education degree and taught overseas for a few years and taught for the Calgary Board of Education, but had decided I would prefer to work in a corporate environment. I had worked in many different departments in this organization, but ultimately, I wanted to be a trainer. That way I could use my teaching skills, but work with adults in a corporate setting. At the time, there were only 3 trainer positions and they didn't open up very often. I was so excited when an opportunity finally came up where I could apply for a role as a trainer. But there was a problem. I had only worked in Sales for a very short time and there were candidates who had much more Sales experience than me. But I knew I would be great for the position because I felt I was an excellent communicator and teacher. The role was to train new Sales people on an industry-specific training program and to train existing Sales Representatives on new technical systems and marketing incentives. I felt it was the perfect position for me. So I prepared myself for every possible question that could come up in my interview. I had examples for all the skills that were required for the position. I wanted that position so badly, that I focused on it completely. I saw myself getting the job and did everything in my power to convince the Manager of that department, that I was the right person for the role.

In my interview, the Manager looked me in the eye and said, "You have worked in Sales for a relatively short period of time. If you were to be in this position, you would be training people who have worked successfully in Sales for many years. How would you respond if they said, 'what can you teach me that I don't already know?'" Initially, I could feel my heart racing and my cheeks starting to burn. What could I say to someone who was already a great salesperson? But then all my preparation kicked in and I knew how I would respond. I said, "There are many people who have experienced a high level of success in their career or field of expertise. I'm sure you would agree that Tiger Woods is one of those people, (this was when he was at the height of his career and before all the scandal in his personal life). Tiger Woods is the best golfer alive today. And yet, even though he has reached a level of success in his field that no one currently has surpassed, he still has a coach. Even though he is at the top of his game, he knows he needs to keep improving and keep pushing his own limits. It's not even about being better than everyone else. It is about being better than he used to be. He is always moving his own bar higher and he has someone who is focussed on helping him do just that. Is his coach a better golfer than him? No. But he is focussed on what Tiger needs to do to be even better than he was before. The coach offers insight, clarity and support for Tiger to be the player he wants to be and to reach the goals he wants to reach."

My soon-to-be Manager laughed. "That's right. Even Tiger Woods has a coach!" He was thrilled with that answer and I think it was what got me the position. And what's more, it was the truth. It resonated with my manager because I could speak to it with conviction. I knew that the role required me to support the Sales Personnel to be the best they could be in their role. And I knew that I would learn every tool and find every way possible to support their success. It wasn't about me being the best Sales Person, it was about me being the best coach.

I still believe in coaching! When I was in the process of deciding how to go about publishing my novel, Gypsy Dreams, I encountered a lovely woman who just happened to be starting her practice as a life coach. She offered to coach me through the process of publishing my book. I found the coaching process so helpful, and not just for publishing my book. She helped illuminate many other things that were interfering with me creating the results I wanted in my life.

Today I still participate in a coaching circle that I have found to be invaluable. It amazes me how I can bring an issue I want to be coached on and through the process of the thoughtful questions being asked, the deeper issue is unveiled. When you can get to the heart of an issue,  all the surface issues are resolved. I love having a team of coaches behind me, pushing me to be the best version of myself and keeping me accountable for the results I want to create in my life.

I love the coaching process so much, that I am in the process of acquiring my coaching certification with The Coaches Training Institute. I have had the privilege of coaching many of the participants from the Dream Your Dreams Women's Retreat that I presented last October with my partner Maureen Dobranski. I truly love seeing people create the results that they want to see in their lives. I think coaching is a great way to help people move towards realizing their dreams one step at a time.

If you have something you want to work towards or would like to have someone to challenge you and support you to keep growing, consider finding a coach. Or create a coaching circle. Or take a course. Or come to our annual Dream Your Dreams Retreat Oct 13th-15th, 2017 dreamyourdreams.ca . Or get a friend to keep you accountable and cheer you on. Find a way to support your goals and dreams. You deserve to be your very best!

If you are interested in coaching with me, you can contact me at dreamyourdreams@outlook.com

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Happy New Year!

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Happy New Year! The new year always feels like a blanket of fresh, untouched snow. It is perfect with endless possibilities. But the minute you step into it, it is no longer so perfect looking. Or to use the analogy from the first quote, the new year is like a blank journal waiting to be written in. It is exciting and full of possibility, but it is also intimidating. Whenever I start a new journal, I want to make the first entry really special. I don't want to ruin the beautiful, clean pages with anything less than perfection. But sometimes that stops me from writing anything at all. The point of having a new journal is to write in it, perfect or not. The joy of the new snow is to play in it, not to keep it looking pristine. So as we start this new year filled with hopes and dreams and resolutions for making this a better year than the one before, let's give ourselves permission to do whatever it is that our heart desires, knowing that it won't be perfect, and it might be messy. The joy of the new year is that it symbolically allows us to let go of the past and think of all the possibility in the future. It makes us think of how we would like to be living our lives. So don't just think about it. Do it! It might be risky, but the alternative is that you never create what you desire.

And have fun with whatever it is that you want to create.  If you want to lose weight, (which I do), think about fun exercise activities that you like to do. Don't make it a misery. It can be an opportunity to create a great routine, get outdoors, dance, play sports or whatever it is that you like to do. Have fun planning delicious recipes that fit with your healthy diet plan. Look through magazines and cut out images of clothes you would like to wear and how you would like to look. And then start. Even if you make mistakes or fall off the wagon, you are moving in the right direction and get back on course.

Whatever you dream up for yourself in this new year, make it something that makes your heart happy and that will be a joy to work on. When it gets challenging, (and it will get challenging), you can remember why you chose it in the first place and that will give you energy to keep moving towards realizing your goals and dreams.

And as you embark on this new year, whatever you do with this year, do it with a spirit of fun! Make every interaction you have as happy as possible. Do your best to make your experiences joyful for yourself and others.  "Leave a little sparkle wherever you go!"

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Be Your Own Cheerleader

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I sometimes wonder if anyone could be harder on us than we are on ourselves. The negative voice in your head may have originated with something a parent, teacher, or peer said to you, but you are the only one who keeps that voice going. You have a choice on what that voice in your heads says to you.

Nothing will kill a dream faster than self-doubt. How can you ever expect to create something wonderful, if you don't believe in yourself. I think we all understand that the better we feel about ourselves, the more we can achieve and the better our quality of life will be.

But how do you start believing in yourself? How do we change that voice in your head to be your greatest cheerleader? How do you become the person you most admire?

Unfortunately, there is no magic pill you can take to feel great about yourself. But it starts with a decision. Decide to be kind to yourself. Decide to feed yourself positive messages. Decide to acknowledge your gifts and use them. Decide to do the best that you can with what you have. Decide to forgive yourself when you make a mistake. Decide to take a risk and do the things that you want to do, even if they scare you.

How you feel about yourself and how you live your life is your choice. You decide what you think about yourself. So make the decision to best person you can be. And remind yourself who you really are. Invest in building yourself up to be the person you want to be. It will be the best investment you will ever make!

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