The Valentine's Cure

I don't know if this is true for other women, but I am often disappointed on Valentine's Day. I am a romantic, which has sometimes proved unfortunate for my husband and boyfriends from my past. I don't think anyone could meet my romantic expectations. So I have often felt sad, frustrated and sometimes even angry on Valentine's Day. Then I would be even more upset because I wanted to be feeling loved and cherished instead of the opposite.

After many years of "Bad Valentine's Days," I decided to take a new approach. I decided ahead of time what I really wanted to experience on Valentine's Day. On my list was, to feel connected to the people I love, feel appreciated and to have an evening with my husband to be together and just focus on each other.

When I looked at my calendar a few weeks before Valentine's Day, I realized that it might turn out to be another "stinker." I saw that Valentine's Day fell on a Tuesday. On top of that, my son had a hockey training session scheduled for late in the evening.

It actually turned out to be a good thing because instead of trying to force this monumental romantic experience to take place on a busy Tuesday night, I decided to create my own happiness on Valentine's Day.

The first thing on my list was that I wanted to feel connected to the people I love. So I planned some very simple gifts to give to my kids and husband. They were practical, so it wasn't an extravagant expense. But they were things that I knew each of them would love and appreciate. I gave some other little gifts and sent out messages to friends and family. I spent my day connecting with many people I love.

I also wanted to feel appreciated. I couldn't force anyone to appreciate me, so I chose to appreciate myself. I did a couple of things in the day for myself. I went for a run with some good friends, which is a favourite activity and feeds my soul. I also planned a reward for myself at the end of my busy day. That way I wouldn't place any expectations on anyone else to make my day complete. Ironically, I received lots of messages of appreciation from my family and friends. It was probably due to the fact that I had reached out to many of them and expressed my love for them without expecting anything in return.

And the third thing on my list was to have an evening with my husband to focus on each other. I already knew that wasn't going to work on Valentine's Day, so I suggested to my husband that we each take a look at our calendars and book 2 nights for a "Date Night." I will plan one of the date nights and he can plan the other. Even though it hasn't happened yet, I am having fun planning my date night.

For me, this Valentine's Day was a success because I managed my expectations. I am often disappointed on holidays  I build up in my mind the feeling I want to have and feel let down if the celebration doesn't match my expectation. This time I thought about what it was that I really wanted and what I could do to create it. And I also set realistic expectations for what could happen on one busy weekday, that just happened to be on Valentine's Day.

It was also a good illustration for me of how to achieve what I want, by first being conscious of what I want. You won't get what you want if you don't spend some time looking inward and deciding what it is that you want to feel or have or do?

If you want to try an experiment, take 10 or 15 minutes to write down in your journal or on a piece of paper, what it is that you want? You can answer that question generally or specifically. The clearer the picture you paint of what it is that you want to create, the more likely you are to see it in your life.