Daring Dreamer - Suzie Morrow!!!

Daring Dreamer – Suzie Morrow!

So my first intention of this blog was to feature a “Daring Dreamer” each month. People who take risks to live their best lives inspire me. I asked several people that I admire to be my first featured “Daring Dreamer” and the first person to respond was Suzie Morrow.

Suzie is my neighbour. I heard about Suzie before I ever met her because she has a compelling and heart-breaking story. Her husband, who was an extremely fit and healthy young man, passed away suddenly after coaching one of their 3 sons hockey teams to a city championship. The community was shocked and heart-broken. I couldn’t believe it when I heard about it. My heart went out to Suzie before I ever met her. I kept thinking of the phrase, “Therefore but through the grace of God, go I.” Because if that happened to Pat and Suzie, it could happen to anyone.

When I finally did meet Suzie, I was immediately impressed by her strength of character. She was so open and willing to talk about Pat’s death and how she is motivated to live her best life for herself and her 3 sons. I don’t know if I would have the strength and grace that Suzie has shown, but I feel grateful to Suzie demonstrating what is possible when you make the best of a difficult situation.

I asked Suzie the questions below, which she so graciously answered. I hope you will feel as appreciative as I do to Suzie for sharing of herself so we can all grow and learn to find beauty and gratitude in challenging situations that we will all face.

1.What is something in your life that you are really proud of?

What I am most proud of is how my 3 boys and I have recovered from the sudden and tragic death of their dad and are living life full of positives, happiness and remembered joy. I am most proud that my boys did not take on a ‘poor me / victim’ attitude and are not full of anger. When Pat died I was in shock but I never liked how grieving people hid on special days like birthdays or Christmas etc.  I wanted the boys to remember all the great times with their father and live life like he did especially on those days. We lived his loss every second so rather than hide from them, we celebrated life on those days.  I’m big on symbolism and my boys were eager to follow my lead.  I loved how they really wanted to laugh and be happy so on days like St Patrick’s Day - we spray painted his grave site green and had green beer, his Birthday - we golfed from his grave and the boys got presents, Christmas - they now get 2, one for us and one where we celebrate Dad's Christmas by decorating a tree in the forest for the animals to eat and where they get presents that their dad would have bought for them, Easter & Father’s Day too, was a must to be celebrated! All these days are happy ones for us and we don’t dread them coming.

I believe there is a silver lining to everything and something good to be found even in the darkest most brutal days. I saw that in what I called 'the crime scene' (when Pat was dying and we & 50 friends were around his bed) I have never been more proud of Pat and my boys than at that time. I was so proud of how incredibly strong my boys were at accepting what was happening and how they were able to express their love to him. I was in awe how they saw past all the machines and his ‘Frankenstein’ look how they never left his side, told him of their love, and wiped away his tears. They truly faced their greatest fears and helped their dad leave this world peacefully and with love. I was proud and in awe of my husband too as he showed them in a non-verbal way, mouthing words and squeezing their hands & mouthing over and over again ‘I love you.’  It was truly the most scared place for me and I am still in awe of this event no matter how brutally horrible it was. Uncloaked love of my boys, Pat’s love for them, us and his friends was an incredible sight to see. I have never seen the strength of love like that. I guess we faced death right in the face and never let it steal the love in our hearts and life!

2. Why are you proud of it?

I am proud because of who I am now. When I had to put my ‘big girl panties on’ & think 100% about Pat & the boys, my focus became very clear. I didn’t know what I was doing but I knew that my husband Pat loved his friends so I made sure his last hours were full of love of family and friends. We contacted everyone and told them to spread the word and to come to the hospital. His friends told Pat how much he had meant and what their favorite times were. I wanted Pat to know how much we loved him so I played his favourite videos of the boys laughing and playing constantly and he’d laugh and smile as best he could. I never understood it when people say ‘oh its family time we should leave’. The way I saw it his friends were his family so how could I not share this time with them. I also wanted Pat not to die alone rather surrounded with love. I am so honoured and proud to have helped him pass this way. It was so brutally sad, but so sacred and peaceful and full of grace, love and honour for him.

I am so very proud I had the guts to let him go ‘on his terms’ and not the machines.  Having to tell the doctors to turn life support off even when we could have had a couple of more hours was gut-wrenchingly hard. But I wanted it to be about him and his wishes honoured and not ours.  Yep letting go is always the hardest part.

That event has made me more ‘awake to this world’, aware, wise and empathetic. I try to live with ‘heart’, grace and integrity and as an example of 'life’ to my boys.  My demons of low self-esteem and unworthiness and failure screamed at me constantly in my life. Yes I was competitive, was successful, outwardly positive and happy, and a fighter, but I felt unworthy, unhappy, and angry, and a loser and insignificant. I was living a victims life and with anger.  I don’t tell many this, but at one point my husband was very stressed and was trying to communicate. He was frantic and I knew what he was trying to say.  I said to him that  ‘we would be ok, then promised that we would be ok that the boys would be ok, then that they would be 'great.’ He then relaxed and the next moment between us is a private one. That event & promise has stuck with me and made me crazy determined. I honestly didn’t know anything about grief but what I did know was that I had one chance to make it right. I had 1 chance not to mess up my boys life, (as nothing was fair that happened,) so I had to swallow my pride and face my fears and wrestle those ugly demons. I threw myself instantly and my boys (literally) into counseling. I did this early, as I wanted to prevent a behaviour rather that fix one down the road.  I am proud. I gulped down my pride, had the courage to face all my fears and failures and then release them. I am proud of that! The whole experience of doing this was crazy ‘enlightening’. That saying “you never know the weight of something until you let it go” is completely true. I try not to hide from my fears and with help I found that ‘fear is a friend who is just misunderstood.’  That fear is a tool for life. I am the same but not afraid if that makes sense. We have come so very far on our new adventure and find there is life all around us. I am grateful for this.

3. How did it come into being?

It came into being after walking into the hospital with lucid husband early Friday morning (4am) to get IV antibiotics. 2 hours later Pat was told he would be on a breathing tube for 3-5 days. 2 hours after he signed papers and was under anesthesia. It was then I was told he would not make the day. Ha, what did they know about strength - Patrick lived that day and into the next, a total of 32 hours from dying from staph pneumonia that went sepsis. He strain was drug resistant (yep the super bug) and not contracted in the hospital.

4. What has it done for you/ how has it changed you?

This event has changed me completely. My entire life changed completely as I had known it so how could that not change me. I don’t know of another person who lived life like Pat did and his leaving has made me more determined to live my life. That life is one of happiness, laughter and joy and being present and aware. I am so grateful for my life and everything I have and am happy that he came into our loves for the short time that he was with us.  I have become much more empathetic, kinder, and one who is at peace with her life.  What’s funny is I felt that my husband gave me his life force to make my life bigger, brighter and better. That helped me to help my boys understand what their new path and what their father’s & my greatest gifts to them were …. life for the living. 

5. What is one thing that you would love to create in the future?

I would love to create an organization that empowers and encourages adults to grieve in a more positive way. To basically tell them that there is another way to grieve and not to listen to how society may tell you how to do it and their expectations. And that you do have a choice of how to grieve. You can either play a victim (which you are entitled to) or laugh and live throughout your process.  I think the positive way is the easier way to do it.  I know we all struggle and grieve in life and I want people to know not to hide from that. Loss is really a loss of our hopes and dreams. So whether this is done on an individual or group basis I would love to empower people through this process and help them find the silver lining in life on those dark days. Not every day is good, but there is always something good in every day. You just have to look differently and find it. 

My ultimate dream would be to have a little warriors club for kids who have experienced loss, as they are disadvantaged throughout their lives in so many ways. The dimensions of what one misses and the crazy facets it extends into is mind-boggling. I mean for me personally how can I teach them how to hold a lacrosse stick or to use a miter saw.  

After reading what Suzie has shared, I am humbled, moved and inspired at the same time. I hope you will take Suzie’s message of strength, hope and zest for life away with you and use it in your own lives.

Thank you Suzie, for sharing so much of yourself and your incredible outlook on life! To me you are an incredibly “Daring Dreamer” and I know your dreams will come true because you truly have the power and strength to do it!

Much love to you for sharing your incredible story!