In this age of Social Media, people have never been so publicly exposed and vulnerable. When we post something on Facebook or Instagram, we are waiting for it to be "liked" or to read people's comments. We put something out there to our Friends and Followers and their responses, or lack of responses, advise us how to feel about ourselves. We can choose not to engage in Social Media, but then we are missing out on opportunities to connect with people. That is okay for some people. But for many people, it is one of their main ways for connecting with friends or promoting their business.
When you do something with Social Media, you open yourself up to other people's opinions. If you are a public figure with a public platform, anyone can comment on your posts and you are even more vulnerable to criticism.
A friend of mine, who has a public platform, was recently attacked about a picture she posted. It was a lovely picture of her son winning a sporting trophy. Someone made cruel comments about her and her family. My initial reaction was to want to respond to the nasty person who could say such horrible things. As I thought about the situation over the course of the day, I realized, that is exactly what the nasty commenter wanted. They wanted attention and to feel power over the person they attacked. I remembered a Chinese Proverb I once heard that goes, "If you get angry, they win."
When people say negative things about you, it is never about you. Even if the comments have an element of truth to them, (which makes them even more hurtful), the comment still has nothing to do with you. A person who says something to hurt another, is trying to elevate themselves by putting someone else down. If they truly felt good about themselves, they wouldn't be focussed on criticizing others. Any negative feature they point out, is really a reflection of their own insecurity about themselves. The negativity they see, is a mirror, reflecting what is within themselves.
So when I hear someone being mean, or negative, or critical, I know they don't feel good about themselves. If they are bragging or putting someone down, I know they need to elevate themselves because they feel "less than..."
I think the best way to defeat the bullies and naysayers, is to know your own truth. Know who you are and believe in your own power and beauty. As Eleanor Roosevelt wisely stated, "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent." If you don't react internally to someone's attack on you, they can't get to you. Your personal truth is an armour against their lies. They are trying to deflect their own pain onto you. But they can't do it if you don't accept it.
I'm not saying that you can always ignore someone's attacks. There are times you need to take action for your own safety or the safety of others. But if you can get to a point where you recognize that the attacks have nothing to do with you and you have a strong conviction of your own self-worth, anything your attackers say will be deflected off you. You will no longer see the bully as a powerful tormentor, but as a sad, weak person trying to project their pain onto you.
So if someone tries to make you feel bad about yourself in any way, invest your energy in taking care of yourself and being the highest version of yourself. Don't waste your energy getting angry and settling the score. Don't let them manipulate you to doubt yourself. See their pain and weakness and see your own beauty and strength. You don't have to prove it to them or anyone other than yourself. If you can do that, you are free and they are trapped in their own prison of pain.
My hope for all the bullies of the world, is that one day they will become enlightened and will feel the pain of the hurt they have inflicted on others. I hope they wake up to the purpose of life, which is to create beauty and share love. If they do that, they will have rich and happy lives and won't need to bring other people down. If they don't, they will be trapped in their own unhappiness.
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