When bad things happen, it's hard to know how to react. I find that when something bad happens to me, I am initially in shock. I don't expect something bad to happen. I'm not sure how to react right away. Then when the shock wears off, I try to think of what to do next. How can I fix it, or make it better or palatable in some way? If I can't fix it, then I often get into wondering if I could go back in time to fix it with what ifs... what if I hadn't stopped for coffee, what if I had gone to bed earlier, what if I didn't take that phone call... I don't like feeling bad, so then I try to look for the silver lining. Is there something good I can take from whatever bad thing has happened? At first, it is often hard to find the silver lining. Every time I think of the bad thing that happened, I feel sorry and recycle all my bad feelings about it. But I know that in time, the feeling will fade. I sometimes repeat to myself the zen mantra "this too shall pass." I know intellectually, even if I don't know it emotionally yet, that at some point I will be able to accept what has happened and the bad feelings will subside in time.
I just went through this cycle today. We had close friends visiting from out of town. We had a great visit with them and they spent their final morning with us going on a lovely walk around our neighbourhood, appreciating the beautiful scenery and reflecting on our nice time together. As they were getting ready to leave, they realized their car had been broken into and their iPad was stolen. Immediately, I was shocked. I couldn't believe it had happened. Then I wondered what I should do. I realized I should call the police. While we were waiting for the police to arrive, I kept thinking about all the what ifs. What if I had told them to park somewhere else? Or had made a point of warning them about recent car break-ins in our neighbourhood? Or if we had checked the car last night or this morning? Then I tried to think of the silver linings - at least there was no damage to the car, at least other things weren't stolen? At least no one was hurt. But it wasn't the way I wanted our visit together to end. I kept thinking about it throughout the day. I know eventually it will seem like a small thing. It might make a good story in years to come - well maybe not a good story but a story we will reminisce about. It will be something we can learn from.
What could learn from this situation? We could learn to be more vigilant about locking things up or be extra cautious with our possessions and those are useful things to learn. But I think the bigger thing to learn is that, bad things can and will happen to us. But we will be okay. The bad feelings will pass. Some bad things, like stolen possessions, are easier to get over because they are just a things. More difficult things to get over are illness and death. Those things permanently change our lives in profound ways. And yet we only have the power to change the things we can. After that there is only acceptance and then gratitude for the wonderful things that remain in our lives.
I wish bad things didn't happen, but they will. I wish people didn't have to hurt sometimes, but that is part of life. I think having an awareness that I will go through a grieving cycle when bad things happen, but that I will eventually get to acceptance and then even to a state of gratitude, will make it easier to deal with the bad things in life.
I hope that when something bad happens in your life, you will be able to get to acceptance and move forward with gratitude to the beautiful things that are ahead of you in life. And beautiful things are ahead of you!
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