Saying "No" In Order To Say "Yes"

I am a recovering "people pleaser." I say recovering because I became aware of my people-pleasing nature many years ago and saw how it was impacting my life negatively. As I grew more aware of this and developed a stronger sense of self, I learned that it is okay if not everyone likes me - it is most important that I like me. It is most important that I am the person I want to be. The more self-aware I became, the easier it was for me to make better choices for myself.

Even with becoming more self-aware and making good choices, I still have a tendency to say "YES" to every opportunity that comes my way. I also know that I am an "experience junkie" - I love to have new experiences and try new things. I don't think there is anything wrong with that, except for when saying "YES" to everything makes my life too full. If I have a full agenda and a new opportunity comes up, I try to find a way to fit it in. Even if I can make it work, it doesn't make it a great choice because rushing from one event to the next, makes it difficult to fully enjoy each event as it is going on.

Another by-product of saying "YES" to everything is that, by default, it makes me say "NO" to things like reflection, calm, peace, and wellness. Sometimes it also forces me to say "NO" to projects I truly want to do, but somehow can never find the time to get to them.

So I am experimenting with exercising my "NO" muscle. I am forcing myself to say "NO" to some things that I know I would like and enjoy, in order to say "YES" to a project that is dear to my heart. It's not easy to change an ingrained behavioural pattern, but it can be done and I think it is worth the effort.

If you are a habitual, "Yes-Man", like me, I challenge you to experiment with saying "NO" too. If you try it, I'd love to hear any comments you have about the experience. And if you are a person who has no problem saying "NO" or maybe has the reverse problem that I do, I invite you to look at the choices you are making and see if they are in alignment with what you want for your life. Sometimes we get into a pattern of behaviour that served us at one time in our lives, but might not serve us now. It is good to be aware of the choices we are making, so that we can be the people we want to be and live the life we want to live.

Why attend a WILD Night Event?

www.womenignitinglifesdreams.com

First of all, you might want to know what a WILD Night event is. WILD stand for Women Igniting Life's Dreams and that is what a WILD Night is all about. It is Girlfriends, Food, Wine, Ambiance, Fun and Inspiration rolled into one amazing WILD Night! Doesn't that sound fabulous? It is similar to going to a Paint Nite event, only instead of painting, you get to listen to powerful speakers, do some fun activities and connect with the other amazing women attending the event. It is a great night out for a group of girlfriends or, alternatively, it's a great way to come and meet new friends.

Attending a WILD Night is a great idea if you want a fun and inspirational night out. It's also great if you:

• are dreaming of a life filled with more passion and purpose
• love connecting with other dynamic women
• want more time for the things you love in life
• are going through a time of transition
• are excited about visioning and creating a life you love

The best way to know if a WILD Night is right for you is to attend one. We are holding them every other month (except for in the summer), with our debut WILD Night on Tuesday, June 6th at the trendy Mad Rose Pub in Marda Loop. It is the perfect setting to gather together and have a night to remember.

WILD Nights were created by Chantal Plowman and Maureen Dobranski, who are also the co-founders of the Dream Your Dreams Women's Retreat. Chantal and Maureen are committed to living a life of meaning, purpose and passion. That is what Chantal and Maureen want for every woman who wants that for herself.

Let your WILD woman out and have the time of your life!

www.womenignitinglifesdreams.com

Recipe for a Perfect Day

I was writing in my journal the other day and I got the idea to write out the recipe for the perfect day. I wrote those words in my journal and started to put down some of the key ingredients to make every day great. I thought it would be a good blog post idea. I started my list and then I decided to go online and see if other people had written on this before. Guess what? Lots of people had. It’s hard to have a novel idea.

Then, after I read a few people’s idea of a perfect day, I realized that, while there may be a few universal ingredients for a perfect day, each of us can make our own recipe tailored to our specific tastes. Even if your list is very similar to someone else’s, it is a great exercise to undertake. It is a great standard to measure your day against.  Or you can use it to plan your next day. It makes you realize what is important to you and helps you ensure you are spending your time on the things that matter the most. And just like refining any recipe, you can play with it. Maybe you want to add some more physical activity and a dash more silliness. Or you might find your recipe is too sweet, with too many fun activities and not enough work – it tastes great but leaves you feeling bad afterward. Or alternatively, it might be too bitter because your day is filled solely with work, without any time for enjoyment.

Whatever you decide are the ingredients for your perfect day, I’d love to hear them. We all learn from each other. I might want to try a few ingredients you have that I didn’t think to include in my own recipe.

Below is my special homemade recipe. If the ingredients aren’t balanced, then it doesn’t always turn out well. You might want to try some of my ingredients or look for other recipes. However you go about it, try whipping up a perfect day for yourself and then you can have it any day you want…maybe every day!

Chantal’s Recipe For A Perfect Day

• Yoga
• Meditation
• Journaling
• Exercise that I love (running, dancing, skiing)
• Work
• Play
• Fun
• Laughter
• Delicious (healthy) food
• Time with friends and family
• Romance
• Learning something new
• Helping
• Going to bed feeling grateful and excited for tomorrow

Girls (and everyone) Just Want to Have Fun!

I recently held a year-end party for the parents of my son's sport's team. We made it an 80's party theme. I had so much fun planning my costume and the music playlist. And I got really excited by setting up Karaoke for the party. It's so easy to do with Smart TVs and the Karaoke channel on YouTube. You don't even need your own karaoke machine. I have an amplifier and microphone, (of course I do), and set it up by the TV and we were set for any karaoke song possible!

The party was so fun, but my great take-away from the event was even bigger. As I was preparing for the party, I enjoyed listening to all the old songs from my late teens and twenty's. Music has a great connection to memory. Listening to those songs made me feel young and happy. I also rediscovered how much I love singing. I am not a naturally good singer. I am not being humble when I say that. I told my mom that she quashed my singing aspirations when she kindly advised me not to sing so loudly in church. But now that I am older and more secure in my own identity, I know that singing isn't necessarily about performing or being good. You don't have to be a talented singer to enjoy it, (although it might not be enjoyable for the people listening). You can sing when you are doing housework, in the shower, in your car. Give it a try and see if it doesn't put you in a good mood. If you are musically challenged, like I am, it helps to have the song playing in the background to make it sound better. Or if you really don't enjoy singing, try making a playlist of your favourite songs. I love listening to my party playlist as I am running errands and driving my kids to all their activities.

Try this musical experiment and see if it doesn't make you feel happy!

The Valentine's Cure

I don't know if this is true for other women, but I am often disappointed on Valentine's Day. I am a romantic, which has sometimes proved unfortunate for my husband and boyfriends from my past. I don't think anyone could meet my romantic expectations. So I have often felt sad, frustrated and sometimes even angry on Valentine's Day. Then I would be even more upset because I wanted to be feeling loved and cherished instead of the opposite.

After many years of "Bad Valentine's Days," I decided to take a new approach. I decided ahead of time what I really wanted to experience on Valentine's Day. On my list was, to feel connected to the people I love, feel appreciated and to have an evening with my husband to be together and just focus on each other.

When I looked at my calendar a few weeks before Valentine's Day, I realized that it might turn out to be another "stinker." I saw that Valentine's Day fell on a Tuesday. On top of that, my son had a hockey training session scheduled for late in the evening.

It actually turned out to be a good thing because instead of trying to force this monumental romantic experience to take place on a busy Tuesday night, I decided to create my own happiness on Valentine's Day.

The first thing on my list was that I wanted to feel connected to the people I love. So I planned some very simple gifts to give to my kids and husband. They were practical, so it wasn't an extravagant expense. But they were things that I knew each of them would love and appreciate. I gave some other little gifts and sent out messages to friends and family. I spent my day connecting with many people I love.

I also wanted to feel appreciated. I couldn't force anyone to appreciate me, so I chose to appreciate myself. I did a couple of things in the day for myself. I went for a run with some good friends, which is a favourite activity and feeds my soul. I also planned a reward for myself at the end of my busy day. That way I wouldn't place any expectations on anyone else to make my day complete. Ironically, I received lots of messages of appreciation from my family and friends. It was probably due to the fact that I had reached out to many of them and expressed my love for them without expecting anything in return.

And the third thing on my list was to have an evening with my husband to focus on each other. I already knew that wasn't going to work on Valentine's Day, so I suggested to my husband that we each take a look at our calendars and book 2 nights for a "Date Night." I will plan one of the date nights and he can plan the other. Even though it hasn't happened yet, I am having fun planning my date night.

For me, this Valentine's Day was a success because I managed my expectations. I am often disappointed on holidays  I build up in my mind the feeling I want to have and feel let down if the celebration doesn't match my expectation. This time I thought about what it was that I really wanted and what I could do to create it. And I also set realistic expectations for what could happen on one busy weekday, that just happened to be on Valentine's Day.

It was also a good illustration for me of how to achieve what I want, by first being conscious of what I want. You won't get what you want if you don't spend some time looking inward and deciding what it is that you want to feel or have or do?

If you want to try an experiment, take 10 or 15 minutes to write down in your journal or on a piece of paper, what it is that you want? You can answer that question generally or specifically. The clearer the picture you paint of what it is that you want to create, the more likely you are to see it in your life.

Contentment!

To me, this is the picture of contentment. Our family adopted a new kitten just before Christmas. We named him Snoopy. It is hard to believe how much joy this newest addition to the family has brought all of us. It's hardest to believe for me, who was the hold-out for getting a pet.

I didn't want to get a pet because I didn't desire one for myself. I felt too busy for a pet. With my kids reaching an age of independence, I was loving the freedom I had. All I could see was more work, mess, and responsibility for me.

But I did think a pet would be nice for my children. And my husband seemed excited at the prospect of a pet. Of course he agreed I would be the one who would be impacted most by the work involved in having a family pet. After spending some time with a friend's kittens and taking care of another friend's dog, I started to soften on the idea. I inquired with the Meow Foundation (who rescues and fosters cats and kittens) and the next thing I knew, we had Snoopy.

He is so loved by everyone in the family. We couldn't imagine our life without him now. But what surprises me most is my own reaction to having him in the family. I have learned so much from our adorable new kitten.

I didn't think about the contentment I would feel being around Snoopy. Seeing him sleeping on the sofa or having him curl up in my lap is like a tonic for anything that ails me. He forces me to slow down because I want to spend time just observing him. The feeling of joy I experience when he lays down on my chest and purrs like a quiet engine, is amazing to me. When he plays soccer with little bouncy balls, I could sit and laugh at him for hours. When he rolls over waiting for me to pet him, I admire how he just expects to be loved and adored. His self-esteem is well intact. He knows how loveable he is and has no problem receiving all the love and attention bestowed on him.

I admire Snoopy's contentment, playfulness and self esteem, but I think one of the greatest gifts I have received from him is 'being in the moment'. Animals appear to live in the moment in a way that most humans do not. We are often lost in the world of our thoughts. Our pets seem to be experiencing the moment all the time and I think they help us do the same. Just being in Snoopy's company is relaxing.

There are teachers all around us when we are open to learning. I couldn't have learned more about contentment and presence from a Masters Course on the subject, than I learned from my professor, Snoopy the Kitten.

Daring Dreamer- Annette McSween

I think every person has an amazing story to tell. Every one of us faces challenges in life and we work through them one way or another. But some people work through them with such strength and grace, that they inspire those around them. They dare to live their dreams in the face of adversity, when all the messages around them tell them they can't have what they most desire. Those are the "Daring Dreamers" of the world. Annette MacSween is one of those people.

I was fortunate enough to meet Annette through a community organization called, Ladies Time Out. Every Monday morning I would see Annette cheerfully greeting all the group members and making their coffee. I would also see Annette at the hockey rink with her youngest son, who was the same age as my son. I was shocked when I realized that her son, Aiden, was her youngest of her four children. She looked too young and too calm to have four children. How could she look so cool in the midst of a hectic schedule of having four children in multiple activities? She had to manage the kids' schedule largely on her own, since her  husband was often away due to the nature of his demanding job. But whenever I would see Annette, she was always cheerful and lovely. She made it look easy. I thought she had a charmed life.

Annette would tell you that she does have a charmed life. In fact, she told me, she feels like the heroine of a fairytale. I think that is true and the analogy doesn't stop there. Like all fairytale heroines,  Annette had to face a huge challenge to get to her "happily ever after."

I had the privilege of learning Annette's story after she attended the Dream Your Dreams Women's Retreat we held last October at the Rimrock Resort in Banff, Canada. I followed up with many of the participants with coaching sessions to help them move toward realizing their dreams. During our first coaching session, it became clear to me that Annette has a great outlook on life. She truly embodies the philosophy "Don't sweat the small stuff - and it's all small stuff." (Richard Carlson) She told me herself, that she doesn't worry about things. She knows things will work out. I was curious how she came to that way of thinking. That is when she shared her story with me. She graciously agreed to let me share her story in my blog because I think many people will benefit from hearing it. I know that I did!

Annette was 23 years old, working as an x-ray technologist at the hospital in Fort McMurray.  Everything was looking great for this fun-loving, energetic girl. She had a job she liked. She had just started dating a new boyfriend. She felt great about her life and the direction it was going. The world was her oyster. Then one day at work, as she was greeting a patient, she found it hard to speak to him. She went to grab his file and she found it difficult to move her right hand. She needed to use her other hand to hold the file. When she took the patient to the x-ray room, she could only gesture her instructions to him because for some reason, the words wouldn't come out.

She decided to call her boyfriend, Mike, and tell him to meet her for lunch. When she called, she simply said "Come now." He thought their conversation was unusual, but being keen on his new relationship, he quickly appeared to take her to the hospital cafeteria. He noticed that Annette was having a difficult time communicating with him. He knew something was wrong. "Let's just go to the emergency ward and have them check you out," he suggested. Annette agreed and it's a good thing she did.

Annette, Mike and Annette's family were soon shocked to discover that Annette, the picture of health at the youthful age of 23, had just had a stroke. It was hard for any of them to fathom. Even more difficult to understand was the doctors prognosis. They told Annette, "you won't be able to drive a car again, you will not be able to go back to work, and you won't be able to have children." While Annette loved her freedom and her job, her greatest aspiration since childhood was to be a mother. In one short sentence, the doctor was taking away her  dream. What would it mean for her job? For her and Mike? For her whole life?

Fortunately for Annette, she had an ace in her back pocket. Annette grew up in a home where there was a strong belief that "all things are possible through God." When she was a young girl, her mother gave her a book called Her Kathy. In the book, Kathy faced insurmountable obstacles, but with God's help, she overcame them all. When Annette was lying in that hospital bed hearing the most devastating news imaginable from her doctor, she remembered Kathy. Kathy didn't take no for an answer. Kathy believed she could overcome the impossible. Kathy knew what she needed to do and she knew God would help her. Annette decided to do the same thing. She adopted Kathy's faith and strength. With His support, along with support from her parents, friends, Mike and her own sheer determination, Annette made the doctor's prognosis wrong on every count.

How did she do it? She had a vision of her life in which she was driving and working and being a mother. She worked hard to regain her health. She did everything the doctors told her she needed to do, but she did more than that. She believed, with every fibre of her being, that she would live the life she envisioned for herself. And she trusted that it would happen. She knew her mother, her family, the people from her church and all the people who loved her were praying for her. She knew God was on her side and that gave her the conviction to believe the impossible was possible for her.

Within 3 months of her stroke, Annette was able to drive. She was back at work within the year. The following year, 1995, Annette and Mike were married. Their relationship was just in its infancy when they had to deal with such a dramatic challenge. Many relationships would have ended there. But Mike was there for Annette and it only strengthened their bond. It made it very clear that they were partners for life. When it came time to consider if they should take the risk of trying to have children, the answer was clear. Even though going through childbirth could trigger another stroke for Annette and even though another stroke could be fatal, they didn't waiver in their faith that they would be parents. On September 7, 1996, they welcomed their first child, Andrew, into the world. During childbirth, Annette was monitored, but everything went well. They didn't stop there. They now have 4 children, who are 20-13 years old (Andrew, Matthew, Marcella and Aiden).  All of them are healthy, wonderful and successful, in large part to their amazing mother. Not only did she drive again, Annette drove 4 children to hockey, volleyball, ringette, cheerleading, lacrosse, gymnastics, basketball, badminton and pony riding for years. She has probably logged more miles than professional truck drivers.

As a mother of 4 amazing children and wife to a strong and loyal husband, Annette is living the life of her dreams. She has created a beautiful home and life for her family. Plus she is so much fun to be around. She is always smiling and laughing. It is obvious when you spend time with her, that she truly loves her life.

I think Annette MacSween definitely fills the description of being a Daring Dreamer! I feel so inspired by Annette and her story and I hope you do too!

When I think of Annette overcoming what she did, I wonder, what is possible for me if I believe it will come true? What is possible for you? What would you do if you knew you could not fail? Why not be a "Daring Dreamer" and live the life of your dreams.

I'd love to hear your comments on Annette's amazing story and what you'd like to do if you had Annette's conviction to believe that the impossible is possible. Please post any thoughts you have below. Every dream comes true by first "believing" it will!