Wednesday, July 20, 2016

You Don't Have To Do It Alone


This week I have been thinking a lot about support. No matter what challenges are in our lives, it is easier to face them knowing we have someone or something supporting us. My friend's husband died in an accident this week and I am constantly thinking about her. There aren't many more challenging situations to go through than that. But I was reminded of the powerful story of Suzie Morrow (her story is in a previous blog post), and how she worked through the tragedy of losing her husband by focusing on creating the best life possible for her and her children. Her story is such an inspiration. 

I also thought about how another friend of the woman whose husband died, set up a schedule of people to support her each day over the next few weeks with whatever she needs (meals, errands, someone to listen). I thought that was such a great idea. Whenever we are faced with something so overwhelming, it helps to have people around to support us as we take each step forward to rebuilding our lives.

And support is not just important in a crisis. We need support with all the things we want to build and create in our lives. I am on holidays with my children right now and I didn't want to fall into a lazy holiday routine, so my son and I made a fitness plan for our vacation. I know I wouldn't have gotten up early in the morning to run hills by myself! Having someone else that we are accountable to and will encourage us and then doing the same for them, is a win-win. Everything is more achievable when we know someone has our back and is there to help us move forward.

We all need support as we go through all the stages of life. It's important to be able to ask for it or accept it when we need it and equally as important to give it when we can. For me, being a part of a supportive network is definitely a key ingredient for living my best life. What can you do to create the support you would like in your life and to give it to those in need?





Wednesday, July 13, 2016

When bad things happen...





When bad things happen, it's hard to know how to react. I find that when something bad happens to me, I am initially in shock. I don't expect something bad to happen. I'm not sure how to react right away. Then when the shock wears off, I try to think of what to do next. How can I fix it, or make it better or palatable in some way? If I can't fix it, then I often get into wondering if I could go back in time to fix it with what ifs... what if I hadn't stopped for coffee, what if I had gone to bed earlier, what if I didn't take that phone call... I don't like feeling bad, so then I try to look for the silver lining. Is there something good I can take from whatever bad thing has happened? At first, it is often hard to find the silver lining. Every time I think of the bad thing that happened, I feel sorry and recycle all my bad feelings about it. But I know that in time, the feeling will fade. I sometimes repeat to myself the zen mantra "this too shall pass." I know intellectually, even if I don't know it emotionally yet, that at some point I will be able to accept what has happened and the bad feelings will subside in time.

I just went through this cycle today. We had close friends visiting from out of town. We had a great visit with them and they spent their final morning with us going on a lovely walk around our neighbourhood, appreciating the beautiful scenery and reflecting on our nice time together. As they were getting ready to leave, they realized their car had been broken into and their iPad was stolen. Immediately, I was shocked. I couldn't believe it had happened. Then I wondered what I should do. I realized I should call the police. While we were waiting for the police to arrive,  I kept thinking about all the what ifs. What if I had told them to park somewhere else? Or had made a point of warning them about recent car break-ins in our neighbourhood? Or if we had checked the car last night or this morning? Then I tried to think of the silver linings - at least there was no damage to the car, at least other things weren't stolen? At least no one was hurt. But it wasn't the way I wanted our visit together to end. I kept thinking about it throughout the day. I know eventually it will seem like a small thing. It might make a good story in years to come - well maybe not a good story but a story we will reminisce about. It will be something we can learn from.

What could learn from this situation? We could learn to be more vigilant about locking things up or be extra cautious with our possessions and those are useful things to learn. But I think the bigger thing to learn is that, bad things can and will happen to us. But we will be okay. The bad feelings will pass. Some bad things, like stolen possessions, are easier to get over because they are just a things. More difficult things to get over are illness and death. Those things permanently change our lives in profound ways. And yet we only have the power to change the things we can. After that there is only acceptance and then gratitude for the wonderful things that remain in our lives.

I wish bad things didn't happen, but they will. I wish people didn't have to hurt sometimes, but that is part of life. I think having an awareness that I will go through a grieving cycle when bad things happen, but that I will eventually get to acceptance and then even to a state of gratitude, will make it easier to deal with the bad things in life.

I hope that when something bad happens in your life, you will be able to get to acceptance and move forward with gratitude to the beautiful things that are ahead of you in life. And beautiful things are ahead of you!



Saturday, July 9, 2016

Your Mirror Image


My son turned 13 this week and I was reflecting on what a great person he is. He is disciplined and hard-working. He is focused on his goals and has been very successful in school and sports. He is also thoughtful and empathetic to others. He is generous with his friends and family. Overall, he's an amazing person!

I don't feel like I can take credit for those things. Those are his achievements and I am so proud of him. But I do remember when he was born, feeling overwhelmed by the responsibility of being one of the dominant influences in his life. I wanted to do everything RIGHT. I didn't want to damage this perfect little baby by making any mistakes. I soon realized that this is not possible. There is no such thing as a perfect parent. Every parent and child learn by making mistakes together.

I had read so many books on parenting in those early days, hoping to get it right. But I found that some of the things I tried from the books didn't always work well. And some of the theories contradicted each other. I finally decided to put the books on the shelf and came up with my own theory. I decided the best thing I could do for my child was to be the best person I can be. I know that worked for my parents. They weren't perfect but I had observed them working hard to create a great life for our family. I admired my parents and how they were always improving themselves and becoming the best they could be in their careers. And I appreciated how much they did for me and my brother, sometimes sacrificing their own needs so we could have certain opportunities.

And it is pretty obvious that kids are always observing us. I sometimes hear my own words coming out of my children's mouths. Sometimes it's flattering and sometimes it's not. And kids aren't just watching their parents, they are watching all the adults in their lives. We went on a family vacation to Germany with my parents for my cousin's wedding five years ago. My, now 13 year old, son was 8 at the time and he made this observation. "Mommy, Grandpa and Uncle Vittorio are really smart men." I   definitely agreed with him but wondered what made him come to that conclusion so I replied, "Yes, you're right, but what makes you say that." His innocent response made me smile. "They are smart because they treat people how they want to be treated." I understood exactly what he meant. Both my dad and uncle have a way of making people feel understood. Everyone wants that, especially children.

His observation made me think of Maya Angelou's great quote:


So when I think of the person that I want to be, I want to be a person that makes other people feel great about themselves. I want my children to think I am a "smart woman" because I treat people how they want to be treated. I want my children to reflect back on their upbringing and appreciate that I was always trying to learn and improve and be the best version of myself possible.

Whether you have children or not, the people in your life are learning through your example. My challenge to you today, is to think about who you want to be. What kind of qualities would you like to see reflected back to you by the people mirroring you?  You deserve to see a beautiful image of yourself and you have the power to create it.


Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Why Go On a Women’s Retreat Weekend?


Have you ever thought that you have talents and skills that you are not using? That even though your life is good or maybe even great, that there could be more? Are you certain what your life’s purpose is? Are you excited when you wake up in the morning because your life is filled with purpose and passion? Do you emanate joy to the people in your life and those you encounter in your day? Do you feel like you are living your best life? If not, can you imagine what your best life would be?

These are all questions that I have asked myself. To me, they are the really big questions and they resonate with me. I think I have a great life and I am grateful for all the beauty and joy in my life. Practicing gratitude is something that enriches my life and sense of happiness. But I think I can be grateful and appreciative for my life and still ask myself, “Is there something more…” Is there something more that I can learn? About myself? About others? About the world? About life? Of course there is. And learning more about myself and things that can benefit me and others is part of my purpose. That is something that fuels my life. What are some things that fuel your life? What do you wish you had more of in life? What do you wish you could do more of, be more of? What would you like to give to others?

I think these are questions that are worth exploring. But how do you do that when most of the minutes of your day are spoken for before you have a chance to think of anything. How do you carve out time to reflect on the meaning of your life when you are in constant motion?

I think that is the purpose a retreat serves. What is a retreat? The word retreat has different definitions, but generally speaking, it means to withdraw or step back. Many spiritual communities have traditional practices of retreating from daily life to focus on their spiritual growth.

Today, going on a retreat can be for a variety of purposes such as spiritual, health, personal, business and so on. But all of them are to give participants an opportunity to step back from the busyness of their daily routine and reflect on their life. After time to reflect and recharge, participants can refocus on what matters most in life.

A women’s retreat is specifically for promoting and nurturing women. Many women are busy juggling the needs of their families, careers, and communities, so their own needs often fall to the bottom of the list.

Taking time to go on a retreat means putting yourself at the top of your list, for at least a weekend. It’s an opportunity to nurture yourself and think about what you really want in life. It’s a chance to revisit dreams you had in the past or explore new ideas. It’s also an opportunity to appreciate yourself for all your unique attributes and gifts and envisioning a way to use your life to the fullest. You are the architect of your own life, but it won’t look like your ideal vision unless you consciously plan it.

As you go through the various stages of life, your dreams and needs change. The vision for one period of your life will change as you move into another stage. If you are in a time of transition, it is the perfect time to envision how you would like the next stage of life to unfold. It is an opportunity to reinvent yourself.

Taking the time to appreciate yourself, learn more about yourself and envision the life you want, is a great use of your time and resources. You will have more clarity and a greater ability to live a life you love living. And it will benefit everyone in your life. It is not selfish to be the best version of yourself possible. It is the most generous and inspiring thing you can do!

Whether or not you decide to go on a retreat weekend, consider investing some time and energy in yourself and thinking of ways to live your life to your fullest potential. There is greatness in every person and it manifests differently for each of us. You were given the many gifts in your life for a reason and you feel your best when you are using them.


If you are looking for a women’s retreat, the Dream Your Dreams Women’s Retreat is a fabulous retreat taking place at the luxurious Rimrock Resort in Banff, October 14th-16th


Visit www.dreamyourdreams.ca or email dreamyourdreams@outlook.com for more details.

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Starting...

http://quotes.values.com/quote_artwork/3982/original/20160603_friday_quote.jpg?1464385935


Sometimes the road to our goals and dreams seems so daunting and unachievable, that it is easier to never take a step down that road. But I was introduced to a concept in books and courses years ago that I often refer back to. Everything that exists today, was once a thought. Not so long ago, we didn't have smart phones, computers, the internet and the list goes on. Someone had to have thought of these ideas before they came into existence.

The same is true of the results in our lives. Before we could have a job, car, home, our own family, we had to have thoughts about them before they existed. Sometimes we choose the results in our lives consciously and sometimes unconsciously. If we don't take the time to think about what we want to see in our lives, then our results might not be what we would ideally like. But if we make conscious decisions about what we want to see in our lives, the chances of them coming true are that much greater.

You don't have to know how your are going to make a dream come true at the beginning. It starts with the idea. Then it is the decision to try, to take action and do something about it, that moves us down that road. Even one small, tiny step in the direction of your goal, is a step closer to achieving it.

When I was young, I used to say that one day I was going to write a book. I don't know why I said this or why I wanted to do it. I didn't know what the book would be about, but I loved the idea that one day I would be an author of a book. I tried doing some writing in my late teens and early twenties, but I didn't go very far because I didn't have something that I really wanted to write. I got busy with other things in my life and that dream sat dormant.

Then when I was in my 30s, a friend of mine invited me to her book launch party. I was so happy for her. I remembered how I had wanted to write a book and was inspired by my friend having the gumption to fullfill her dream. At that point in my life, my children were so little, I couldn't imagine stringing a coherent sentence together, never mind writing a book. But then I met another friend who was writing a book too! What are the odds that I would have two friends who wrote books. This friend had children the same age as my children and she told me that she had hired a babysitter one day a week and she would go to the library and work on her book for the full day. I thought that was a brilliant idea, but I still didn't have an idea about what I would write. Then I met an interesting woman, who was my sister-in-law's best friend, on a girls' weekend. This woman's family history intrigued me and inspired the idea for the novel I would write.

But I still didn't have a babysitter and couldn't imagine finding someone for one day a week. Out of nowhere, one of my neighbours told me about an amazing lady who cared for her children one day a week who might have availability. So I hired the babysitter, wrote an outline for my story and wrote one chapter each week. I didn't know if this was the right way to go about writing a novel, but it seemed to work. Each week I felt so grateful for this project and eventually I completed the novel. Of course then I didn't know how to go about publishing it. At that time I met a woman who was a life coach and suggested she could coach me through the process of publishing my book, which she did! I published my book, Gypsy Dreams, and had my book launch party in March of 2013!

That book launch party was a moment I held in my mind throughout the process. To me it was the the moment of completion of my dream. When I look back to the beginning of that idea in my childhood, to a more fully formed dream, to actually starting, I feel as though I was guided. Every time I needed help with moving forward, something or someone came into my life to help.

There is a certain magic in having a dream, getting it clear in your mind and then starting! Just taking one small step in the direction of your dream moves you one step closer. With each step forward, you build momentum. You may encounter roadblocks or be redirected, but just the process of moving in the direction of your dream opens up a world of possibility that didn't exist before you took the first step.

Challenge yourself to take a step in the direction of your dream today. I guarantee, just taking even a small step will feel great. You don't have to have all the answers. Trust that the right person, or opportunity or idea will come to you when you need it. They will show up if you are looking for them.

Please share any steps you decide to take or any 'wins' on taking action to move toward realizing your dreams. I'd love to hear them!








Thursday, June 16, 2016

Sooo Grateful!!!


I know that I live a good life. For that I am grateful to my husband, my parents, my children my friends. spirituality, life...

I have become aware that gratitude is a practice. The more I notice reasons to be grateful, the more grateful and happier I become. And it is such an easy thing to do, when you pay attention. Having a drink of cold water on a hot day is a huge thing to be grateful for. A comfortable place to sleep, enough food to eat, people to share a meal with. If I pay attention to everything I can be grateful for in a day, I am overwhelmed.

Living in Calgary, Canada in the winter is not always something people are grateful for. Growing up, I used to wish I lived in Vancouver or somewhere in California or Hawaii. It would be nice to live somewhere where the temperature never reaches minus 30 degrees celsius! And now that I am older, I can't imagine being more grateful for where I live. Every day that I drive my kids to school or hockey, I drive through the beautiful landscape to the west of Calgary, facing the pristine Rocky Mountains. I pass by large fields of grassland with cows or horses. The clear blue sky kisses the horizon line and it seems I could want for nothing more.

Is my life perfect - of course not. That is not something that anyone can boast of, nor should even aspire to. But even in the most challenging times of my life, there have been many things for me to be grateful for and I believe that to be true for everyone.

I believe practicing gratitude on a continual basis is one of the surest, easiest ways to improve your happiness in life. A few years ago, I started a gratitude journal (I got the idea from Oprah so it was bound to be good). Every day, I write 5 things that I am grateful for. On some of my worst days, I may list going to bed as something I am grateful for. On other days, I will write more than 5 items because I can't contain my gratitude to such a small list. This practice forces me to be aware of the many blessings in my life.

I challenge you to keep a gratitude journal for 3 weeks. Let me know how your experiment goes. I believe it will improve your happiness and the quality of your life. What do you have to lose other than a couple of minutes each day? Try it - you'll like it!

http://www.practical-personal-development-advice.com/images/thankful-quote.jpg