I am a recovering "people pleaser." I say recovering because I became aware of my people-pleasing nature many years ago and saw how it was impacting my life negatively. As I grew more aware of this and developed a stronger sense of self, I learned that it is okay if not everyone likes me - it is most important that I like me. It is most important that I am the person I want to be. The more self-aware I became, the easier it was for me to make better choices for myself.
Even with becoming more self-aware and making good choices, I still have a tendency to say "YES" to every opportunity that comes my way. I also know that I am an "experience junkie" - I love to have new experiences and try new things. I don't think there is anything wrong with that, except for when saying "YES" to everything makes my life too full. If I have a full agenda and a new opportunity comes up, I try to find a way to fit it in. Even if I can make it work, it doesn't make it a great choice because rushing from one event to the next, makes it difficult to fully enjoy each event as it is going on.
Another by-product of saying "YES" to everything is that, by default, it makes me say "NO" to things like reflection, calm, peace, and wellness. Sometimes it also forces me to say "NO" to projects I truly want to do, but somehow can never find the time to get to them.
So I am experimenting with exercising my "NO" muscle. I am forcing myself to say "NO" to some things that I know I would like and enjoy, in order to say "YES" to a project that is dear to my heart. It's not easy to change an ingrained behavioural pattern, but it can be done and I think it is worth the effort.
If you are a habitual, "Yes-Man", like me, I challenge you to experiment with saying "NO" too. If you try it, I'd love to hear any comments you have about the experience. And if you are a person who has no problem saying "NO" or maybe has the reverse problem that I do, I invite you to look at the choices you are making and see if they are in alignment with what you want for your life. Sometimes we get into a pattern of behaviour that served us at one time in our lives, but might not serve us now. It is good to be aware of the choices we are making, so that we can be the people we want to be and live the life we want to live.
