The Valentine's Cure

I don't know if this is true for other women, but I am often disappointed on Valentine's Day. I am a romantic, which has sometimes proved unfortunate for my husband and boyfriends from my past. I don't think anyone could meet my romantic expectations. So I have often felt sad, frustrated and sometimes even angry on Valentine's Day. Then I would be even more upset because I wanted to be feeling loved and cherished instead of the opposite.

After many years of "Bad Valentine's Days," I decided to take a new approach. I decided ahead of time what I really wanted to experience on Valentine's Day. On my list was, to feel connected to the people I love, feel appreciated and to have an evening with my husband to be together and just focus on each other.

When I looked at my calendar a few weeks before Valentine's Day, I realized that it might turn out to be another "stinker." I saw that Valentine's Day fell on a Tuesday. On top of that, my son had a hockey training session scheduled for late in the evening.

It actually turned out to be a good thing because instead of trying to force this monumental romantic experience to take place on a busy Tuesday night, I decided to create my own happiness on Valentine's Day.

The first thing on my list was that I wanted to feel connected to the people I love. So I planned some very simple gifts to give to my kids and husband. They were practical, so it wasn't an extravagant expense. But they were things that I knew each of them would love and appreciate. I gave some other little gifts and sent out messages to friends and family. I spent my day connecting with many people I love.

I also wanted to feel appreciated. I couldn't force anyone to appreciate me, so I chose to appreciate myself. I did a couple of things in the day for myself. I went for a run with some good friends, which is a favourite activity and feeds my soul. I also planned a reward for myself at the end of my busy day. That way I wouldn't place any expectations on anyone else to make my day complete. Ironically, I received lots of messages of appreciation from my family and friends. It was probably due to the fact that I had reached out to many of them and expressed my love for them without expecting anything in return.

And the third thing on my list was to have an evening with my husband to focus on each other. I already knew that wasn't going to work on Valentine's Day, so I suggested to my husband that we each take a look at our calendars and book 2 nights for a "Date Night." I will plan one of the date nights and he can plan the other. Even though it hasn't happened yet, I am having fun planning my date night.

For me, this Valentine's Day was a success because I managed my expectations. I am often disappointed on holidays  I build up in my mind the feeling I want to have and feel let down if the celebration doesn't match my expectation. This time I thought about what it was that I really wanted and what I could do to create it. And I also set realistic expectations for what could happen on one busy weekday, that just happened to be on Valentine's Day.

It was also a good illustration for me of how to achieve what I want, by first being conscious of what I want. You won't get what you want if you don't spend some time looking inward and deciding what it is that you want to feel or have or do?

If you want to try an experiment, take 10 or 15 minutes to write down in your journal or on a piece of paper, what it is that you want? You can answer that question generally or specifically. The clearer the picture you paint of what it is that you want to create, the more likely you are to see it in your life.

Contentment!

To me, this is the picture of contentment. Our family adopted a new kitten just before Christmas. We named him Snoopy. It is hard to believe how much joy this newest addition to the family has brought all of us. It's hardest to believe for me, who was the hold-out for getting a pet.

I didn't want to get a pet because I didn't desire one for myself. I felt too busy for a pet. With my kids reaching an age of independence, I was loving the freedom I had. All I could see was more work, mess, and responsibility for me.

But I did think a pet would be nice for my children. And my husband seemed excited at the prospect of a pet. Of course he agreed I would be the one who would be impacted most by the work involved in having a family pet. After spending some time with a friend's kittens and taking care of another friend's dog, I started to soften on the idea. I inquired with the Meow Foundation (who rescues and fosters cats and kittens) and the next thing I knew, we had Snoopy.

He is so loved by everyone in the family. We couldn't imagine our life without him now. But what surprises me most is my own reaction to having him in the family. I have learned so much from our adorable new kitten.

I didn't think about the contentment I would feel being around Snoopy. Seeing him sleeping on the sofa or having him curl up in my lap is like a tonic for anything that ails me. He forces me to slow down because I want to spend time just observing him. The feeling of joy I experience when he lays down on my chest and purrs like a quiet engine, is amazing to me. When he plays soccer with little bouncy balls, I could sit and laugh at him for hours. When he rolls over waiting for me to pet him, I admire how he just expects to be loved and adored. His self-esteem is well intact. He knows how loveable he is and has no problem receiving all the love and attention bestowed on him.

I admire Snoopy's contentment, playfulness and self esteem, but I think one of the greatest gifts I have received from him is 'being in the moment'. Animals appear to live in the moment in a way that most humans do not. We are often lost in the world of our thoughts. Our pets seem to be experiencing the moment all the time and I think they help us do the same. Just being in Snoopy's company is relaxing.

There are teachers all around us when we are open to learning. I couldn't have learned more about contentment and presence from a Masters Course on the subject, than I learned from my professor, Snoopy the Kitten.